How To Stop Depending On Other People's Opinions

2023 Author: Henry Pass | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 21:12

What people around us say, especially those close to us, often not only affects our decision-making and our mood, but for many it becomes a kind of systemic coordinates in life. I know a lot of people who divide two circles into "close" and "everyone else." But let's see how big is the difference between these two "circles"? Or is it just the habit of waiting for an assessment so that the piggy bank of self-confidence is filled? It is the need for someone else's assessment that gives rise to an emotional swing that swing from complete happiness to the bottom of a depressive state.

Unlike likes on social networks, which do not disappear, but remain under the photos, likes from others have an expiration date. Having received the "assessment" once, we form an expectation from the outside world and dependence on someone else's opinion. If the world around us does not react in the way that we expected, a pit of disappointment and bad mood awaits us. The thought “I am not worthy” appears in my head.

As a result, instead of self-esteem, we evaluate ourselves through comparison with others. Like a litmus test that we apply to other people. And comparing yourself with someone is always about devaluing yourself.

For a number of people, the lack of a positive assessment from others generates a desire to prove to the world that you are worthy of something. There are many such examples in the world when a person who wanted to prove to someone close or not very close that he is worth something, became a millionaire or created something outstanding. But what remains behind achievements is the inner state in which such a person is.

While we are evaluating ourselves in this way, through other people, our own desires are blocked for us. I'm talking about true desires that ignite, fill with pleasure and become a positive fuel for the desired life, and not escape from the unwanted.

Therefore, the surest way to get rid of the emotional swing is to accept the value of “choosing yourself in any situation” and develop your own criteria for assessing yourself, develop the habit of expressing your point of view whenever such a desire appears.

Sorokin Mikhail @sorokin_mihail, entrepreneur, certified business consultant, author of books.